I think 2020 changed most of us in a variety of ways, and for me, the whole of that year was a life-altering experience. There were so many terrible things that came out of that season of life: tragedies and atrocities as lives and careers and families were impacted in unfathomable ways. We each have a story from 2020, and I am exceedingly grateful that mine is marked by moments of clarity and perspective alongside the heavy.

Prior to 2020, I was running at an incredible pace, one that I had kept for decades. At one point in 2015, I began to think that something was very, very wrong. Unexplainable and strikingly unpleasant bouts began to emerge here and there, mostly when I was doing something innocuous. I had never experienced a panic attack before, but standing in my kitchen stirring a pot of soup one day, I started to feel an agitation washing over me. It was like a weight settling across my shoulders but also making me itchy from the inside out, my breath was suddenly snatched, and for a moment, I was dizzy and saw black. I stepped back from the stove and tried to catch my breath, but suddenly I was gasping and then hyperventilating. My husband bolted from the living room and grabbed my hands, asking me what was wrong, but I couldn’t answer and I didn’t even know. My knees buckled and I crumpled to the floor, and he stayed with me, pulling my face to his and coaxing me to breathe. By that time, I was sobbing unexpectedly and uncontrollably, with no reason to be found. It started to happen at night, waking me from sleep with jolt. I would open my eyes in the darkness, finding myself in the midst of jolting to a sitting position, gasping for breath.

It was so dang scary.

I made an appointment with my primary care physician, who ultimately determined that these were panic attacks related to exhausted adrenal glands. I’m sorry, what? I had maxed out on adrenaline… Turns out, I’m not actually wired to go-go-go all the time every day. Boo, hiss.

He wanted to prescribe Xanax, and I said no way, buddy. I don’t know what I wanted from this visit, I guess for him to tell me I was iron deficient and just needed to eat more steak or something. I hadn’t considered the fact that this was stress-related, and I was a little bit angered by this news, truth be told. I had grown up in the shadow of individuals who leaned heavily on prescriptions and alcohol as a way to do life, and I didn’t want that to be me. It WASN’T me. I was convinced of it.

He talked me into filling the prescription, if only to have on hand “just in case.” A few weeks later, in the pressroom on Sunday morning in Topeka (yes, RACE DAY), I started to feel one coming on just before pre-race ceremonies. The timing – I needed to be on my game! I scurried to the bathroom as my breathing began to stumble and splashed cold water on my face. It worked in the movies, right? It didn’t work. I came back to the pressroom and with a mixture of great irritation and hope, I swallowed one of the tiny pills. It worked. Either by power of suggestion or actual modern-day medicine, it worked. What followed, though, was a strange feeling of being disconnected from my world. I operated fine, yeah. But I was not myself, and the next day, the feeling lingered. I felt like I was inside of a bubble, locked away from all of the good things I was so fortunate to have before me. I could see them, but I couldn’t touch them, feel them, smell them, live them like I normally do. I went home and took the prescription bottle out of my purse. This was not for me, there had to be another way.

I found yoga stretches and meditation, music through over-the-ear headphones, mindful breathing, and podcasts. I discovered pockets of peace, and then I found calm when I found CURED Nutrition. In 2020, feelings of stress ramped back up and my daughter, Tori, shared with me a sample of CURED capsules. They were little amber colored gel caps that looked a lot like the vitamin E my mom used to break open and rub on her stretch-marked pregnant belly, but these were (then) called RAW Caps and housed other goodnesses of the earth. I extracted one from the pack late one morning before walking across the street during lockdown to see my youngest daughter. I sat down at the dining room table and was overcome with a feeling that I initially associated with being tired. As I sat there and waited for my girl to come downstairs, I realized it wasn’t that I was tired… I was… relaxed. My heart felt right, my breathing felt steady, my forehead wasn’t wrinkled in furrow. I just felt… calm. This was new, and it was generated from something natural that allowed me to fully function. My senses were not dulled, only my nerves. My mind was operating all the way, but I wasn’t on edge. My spirit was alive and well. *I* was alive and well.

And thus began my relationship with CURED Nutrition. By December 2020, I had a subscription and received a monthly supply of these stress-reducing little gel caps, and a daily dose has been part of my life ever since. Don’t get me wrong; I can still get wound up. I did have one panic attack last year when something particularly disturbing happened, and yes, I was gifted with half a Xanax at that time and gratefully accepted. It absolutely helped, and to this day I am grateful. I have so much respect for those who say yes to finding the right thing for them, and for many, prescriptions are life-saving and allow them to function. For my own everyday wellness, my stress-less has been found in a daily dose of CURED Nutrition Calm caps. I’m so, so, so grateful. This year, I was invited to be a partner and share my experiences with their products (there are so many that I’ve found beneficial, and I can’t wait to share them with you!). If you’d like to give them a try, follow this link (https://glnk.io/7kyx0/kellywadewrites) and you will automatically receive 15% off your order at checkout.

Write back soon and let me know what you think (hit me up on Instagram @kellywadewrites). xo