My father had five children that he loved fiercely, and we have all gone through grief in different ways since he left this world on 12.13.21. My heart still and forever aches for what my siblings went through during that time, especially my sisters. My experience was so different from theirs….. I was really, really sad when my dad was dying, I was the saddest I’ve ever been in the days just before he passed, and my reaction then was to push (shove) everyone away and sit alone in my despair as I processed what was happening.
And then he died, and the sadness, for me, lifted. I only felt grateful that he wasn’t in emotional or physical discomfort, because the last thing we want is for the people we love the most to experience pain and discomfort, and I immediately felt a sense of closeness with my dad again. I feel him with me all the time, every day, and I am so happy that he was my dad and he knew all the way how much I loved him. I miss him a lot, but he’s with me – just the same as he’s with my brothers and sisters and our babies. Someone that impactful never really leaves us.
Tonight, I made a cake and drank his favorite wine and hugged my husband and celebrated quietly the man who taught me that life is grand. Love you, dad. Thanks for always being there. xo
P.S. You would have gotten a kick out of this fireball cake – Patrick loved it. Also, red wine still makes my cheeks red. It was good though, and it reminded me of you.
Categories: Musings, Uncategorized
Kelly Wade 