This morning I was thinking about home. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. I have been obsessed with this concept for a few years because I’ve often felt displaced as I’ve traveled the country following NHRA & bounced between homes in California, Tennessee & now Texas. I think I’ve been searching, like the kids book where the bird goes around asking rocks & dogs & houses, “Are you my mother?” I’ve gone from place to place asking, “Are you my home?”
Lately, though, I’ve not felt that. This is going to sound weird, but something about my dad dying grounded me. I can’t yet connect the dots, but I came to a feeling of peace at some point in the months following his passing. These days I feel grounded & at home nearly everywhere I go.
Someone I love once told me home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling. I didn’t get it at the time & I feel like I’ve written this before, dear reader, but it feels so relevant as I sit here in Sonoma. I’m a California girl to my bones; there isn’t anything that can change that. I’ve long believed California to be my true north, so when I crossed over from Nevada & saw the Welcome to California sign, I had all the feels. I’m home.
The more I drove, the more I thought. Maybe the rush of feelings as I cross into California is a habit; there isn’t anything changed except the scenery. I’m still me, and when I leave on Tuesday, I realize now that I will still be home.
I have LIVED in California. I have loved & been crushed & eaten all of the really good Mexican food you could dream of. But you know what? I have loved & been crushed & experienced so many experiences outside of this beautiful state. I have LIVED at every race track on the tour & then some. I have LIVED with my babies in Texas & with my husband in Tennessee. A little bit of my heart belongs to Sonoma, just as much as it does to Brainerd & Atlanta & Bristol & Denver.
These tracks feel like home as much as standing on the sand looking at the Pacific, because it isn’t about where I am. It’s about what I bring with me. It’s about sharing meals & having adventures & being right where you are.
I hope you feel at home today. No more searching. Just be here.