From the Stands: St. Louis

I wrote a story this weekend here in St. Louis that included the words “you don’t know until you know.” I keep turning that phrase around and around in my brain as it might apply to my own little world.

You don’t know until you know. There is so much I don’t know. I have walked through life so naïve, and I will admit that at times, I haven’t actually ~wanted~ to know. I have looked away when things started to smell not-quite-right and swept MUCH under the rug…. until right about this time 13 years ago. At that point, there was no rug that could accommodate the sizeable pile of muck I had allowed to accumulate around me. In fact, my denial had actually contributed to the growth of something truly atrocious.

But you don’t know until you know, right? You have to look at something square in the eye to see it for what it really is. And the beauty of life is that once you DO know, you can engage the “choose again” feature that we’re all born with.

I’m utilizing that option in my approach to life and work, now more than ever. I’m trying to take better care of myself. I’m trying to be a nicer person. I’m shifting my work focus to where I know it’s supposed to be. And I’m working hard to allow my perception to shift as I gain more information in every aspect. IT IS SO HARD. There is just so much I don’t know.

It’s interesting to observe how people react to that… and honestly, not getting wrapped up in how I’m perceived by others as I learn and grow and shift is a tall order. But I’m working on it.

It’s a weird thing being a thinking, feeling human. We have so much more freedom than we realize.

This isn’t what I came here to say, but there, I’ve said it. I don’t choose the words, man. They choose me. Just kidding.

If you get nothing else from this today, I hope it hits home that when all else is out of your control, at the very least you can choose how you’re looking at something. You can choose to zoom out, see a bigger picture. And if you don’t like what you see based on this broader perspective and fresh knowledge, you can choose again.

See you out there.

Categories: Musings

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