I have so often thought of the story of the Phoenix, and how necessary it sometimes feels to just burn all the way down and start over, rebuild, come back anew. There have been moments in life where I felt it was the only way, and in truth, there were times it really was.

But other times, that wasn’t really the answer – yet I pushed for it, worked hard (though, at the time, unknowingly) to torch what had become common so that I could start again.

I do love a fresh page.

A lot of good has come through leaning into the way of the Phoenix, I’m not going to lie. It was difficult and truly awful, but there were two times in my life where it really was the necessary application, and to this day I hold absolutely zero regret. In fact, I rejoice in the fact that my life was reduced to a pile of ashes and I somehow rose. I think the experience opened my eyes to the fact that we are all capable of reaching rock bottom and coming back stronger than ever. If I can do it, literally anyone can. ANYONE.

But as I grow older (53 this year!), I am coming to recognize that the caterpillar had a lot figured out, too. Cocoon. Go dark. Recreate in your own space. Grow wings in a tapestry of vibrant colors. Break through. Fly. Hell, show off – but you can do it ever-so-gracefully because you don’t even have to try. You’re just that stunning.

It isn’t a beautiful period of reawakening, there in the chrysalis. It actually sounds kind of dreadful – the metamorphosis is a complete breakdown of the being as we know it. The caterpillar literally digests itself, and the surviving cells grow almost mystically from mush into one of nature’s most stunning, gentle creatures.

It’s the quiet period of construction that gets me, the idea that we don’t have to blaze to ashes in order to rise. The possibility that one can actually get to the next level and break through, crushingly beautiful and without the fire, is a concept I have somehow overlooked.

I see now. Do you?

**written on this day, one year ago**