EDIT: This is an embarrassing display of self pity. When I saw this overly dramatic post had so many positive comments this morning (thank you guys so much), I felt a ton of love – but also just so much embarrassment. “So sick” is very relative, and although I have felt terrible because of a normal bout of the flu, this is NOTHING compared to what other people are going through.
Initially, I think I just wanted to explain my absence at the race and online and in normal life activities this past week, but it came off like a steaming pile of “poor me, feel sorry for me,” and frankly, that’s so gross I made myself feel even worse. I AM OKAY, I JUST HAD THE NORMAL FLU. Thank you for the support, you kind humans. But next time you see some garbage like this from me, you have my permission to cut and paste this phrase into the comments: “SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP.”
I have been so sick. A fever came to me on Wednesday last and pursued my clarity on and off for days. Today I almost feel okay. For a couple of hours this morning, I had a small burst of energy and clear mindedness. And then this afternoon I could do nothing but sleep. I could focus no more, and I pulled a blanket over my head and I slept. This is unimaginable in my world. This does not work for me, certainly not for my timeline and deadlines.
Truth be told, I have not taken my temperature since Saturday – but what does it matter? The measure of fever tells nothing but the rapidity of which it intends to burn the sickness to cinders. Go away sickness. I detest you and your chains, your cumbersome clutch on the life that I love so dearly. I breathe this fresh air tonight and I watch the flashes of lightening in the distance. I let this thunder rumble through me, and I wish fiercely for it to awaken me.
I’m sick of this. I’m sick of myself in this state. Is it not time to turn a new leaf? Is it not spring, a time for rebirth and renewed visions and energy? Where is my energy, you troublesome old fool? Give it back. I implore you. Give it back.